"PEAR OF DESPAIR"
So the fabled Acorn of Achievement" has become legend for daring dos amongst the cycling crowd....however the achievement in the title lent itself to the creation of another award. As most of the awards of the acorn were for crashes etc, then the creation of the "Pear of Despair" has become necessary.
No sooner has it been hand crafted by Colin Bugden Industries, than an award became necessary.......so without further delay onto the result........
March 2012 Andy "just watch this superb wheelie" Willcocks for coming a cropper on the Sandbanks ferry slipway, whilst pulling a wheelie. Gravity played a part and resulted in a dislocated shoulder, a free ambulance ride to Poole hospital and a rather painful ball joint being pushed back into the socket, with Andy screaming like a girl...........!!!
December 2009 Roy "not sure what happened there" George for falling off his steed for no reason (4 pubs in) on the Xmas Wobblies pub crawl in December 2009
November 2008 Gary "over the bars" Biles for a perfect over the bars dismount after failing to cross a deep rutted section below Deadman Hill in the New Forest. A few witnesses, so great timing Gary.....
October 2008 Josh Cole, from Texas, in the good old US of A, for attempting the Coed-y-Brenin MBR trails, after having only ridden warm ups along Bournemouth Promenade. Josh tried hard, on a rented bike, but a few over the bars incidents and finally contact with a large rock on the section "Dream Time" on the "Temtiwr" (Tempter to the English amongst you all!) Trail left him bruised and battered. So inaugural award of the ""Pear of Despair" has happened..........who'll be next??????
Dave Simon with the inaugural presentation of the "Pear of Despair" to Josh, October 2008
"ACORN OF ACHIEVEMENT"
Lara Croft searched for the "Cradle of Life", Indiana Jones searched for some cask or other, Captain Jack Sparrow searched for treasure, however all quests diminish in significance, when compared against the "Acorn of Achievement". "Never heard of it?" I hear you cry.............well.............. it was "liberated in Hampshire back in 2003. Nobody knows exactly how old it is....some say prehistoric, some say neolithic, medieval perhaps, some say about two years old............whatever!!
Anyway it is only awarded once a month to deserving souls (or "Wobblies"). Those who have overcome extreme hurdles, succeeded where others have failed, or earned its safe keeping, simply because they have proved themselves to be down right stupid!!
LIST OF WINNERS
October 2012 Not quite the "Acorn" but a rare sighting of Mr Dave "plumpy" Mullard on a bike, resulted in a special presentation at work of a "seen on a bike commuting to work" certificate. A witness said he saw Mr M on a bike near Castle Lane heading in an easterly direction towards work. As Dave hasn't been seen on a bike for many a month, especially on a "Wobblies" ride then this snippet can only be taken with a "pinch of salt".....
March 2012 A rare joint award of the "Pear of Despair" and the "Acorn of Acheivement" to Andy "just watch this superb wheelie" Willcocks for coming a cropper on the Sandbanks ferry slipway, whilst pulling a wheelie. A superb wheelie resulted in the "Acorn" award, but this was immediately followed by a crash, as the laws of gravity played a part and resulted in a dislocated shoulder, a free ambulance ride to Poole hospital and a rather painful ball joint being pushed back into the socket, with Andy screaming like a girl...........!!!
December 2009 Mr & Mrs Mullard for turning up on the Xmas 2009 pub crawl ride on the tandem dressed as Santas little helpers.....ho ho ho!!!
October 2008 Quentin Hill for persevering at tackling the trails at Coed-y-Brenin, even though the question "Q, what did you think of the rocky sections?" was met with the reply "f*****g terrifying"!!. For two days, Q battled on the trails, even riding the "Pink Heifer" and "Dream Time" and eventually enjoying them!!!!
June 2008 Michael Simon for completing the London to Brighton 2008, beating his Dad Dave to the finish line, and in fact beating most of the other participating "Wobblies" in the run.
February 2008 Sam "do I have to Dad" Gears for completing nearly all of the "Purbeck Puffer" despite being only 8, and therefore deserves the Acorn for being probably the youngest ever "Wobblywheeler", well done Sam!!!
October 2007 Steve "ten chins" Shephard for bruising his left buttock (see Injuries section for lovely photo of Steves arse, eurggh!) after falling off within the first five minutes of the first ride on "Penhydd" at Afan Argoed mountain bike centre in South Wales.
June 2007 Jeff "slider" Phillips for taking a gravelly corner a tad too fast on the return leg of the "Wobblies Summer Solstice" ride, losing it and ending up with most of the corner's gravel in his elbow. Spent a couple of hours in the A&E of Bournemouth hospital waiting to be seen, reeking of beer fumes from the seven pubs en route.....
January 2007 Andy "ground looper" Willcocks for performing a perfect wheelie on his brand new Specialized in the "Bat & Ball" car park. However unable to get his feet unclipped from his new SPuD's he carried on over the back, and did a perfect ground loop, ending up, flat on his back on the tarmac, having landed rather heavily on his arse (ouch!)
October 2006 James "Gilbey" Bond for completing the Askerswell "Spies Like Us" loop, riding Mrs M's bike & suffering with back ache, after "technical difficulties" with his Diamondback, forced a last minute switch of trusty steed. Oooh that womans saddle......!
June 2006 Colin "speedygonzalis" Bugden for completing the 54 mile 2006 London to Brighton after having had a heart bypass in 2005, enough said!!
March 2006 Finally awarded to Richard "the dayglo rambler" Hutson for starting the ride on a mountain bike and magically turning up at the pub at the end of the ride on a BMW motorbike. How does he do that!!!!
December 2005 Xmas Pub Crawl Graham Rendell for turning up on the ride on his butchers bike complete with period costume, "Wobblywheelers" signboard AND a whole selection of Xmas treats in the butchers basket, mince pies, sausage rolls etc.
December 2005 Roy George for a spectacular over the bars followed by not one but four rolls, on a particularly rocky singletrack on the Purbecks. Reckon it was a hidden rock, Guv!
July 2005 Jointly awarded to Graham Rendell, Andy Willcocks and Gilbey for completing tthe 106 mile South Downs Way in 1 day on July 23, taking 13 hours actual riding time, to reach the three cool Stellas waiting in Eastbourne, having set out from Winchester at 4am.. Nuf said!
June 2005 still no award yet, better do something reaaal special to win it now!!
April 2005 "John the Tri-athlete" for sinking up to his cranks in a rather deep puddle on the Ox Drove. We had planned to warn him how deep it was, but forgot!! He then had to ride for 2 hours with wet trainers. Nice one!!
March 2005 Kevin "must stop winning it" Lane Yet again Kev wins the "Acorn" for this month, acting like a cat and landing upright on his (four?) feet, after attempting to ride down the steep grassy bank, half way round the Tollard Royal ride, going over the bars and landing OK, before i had time to get a piccy. Promise i will get a shot of someone one of these days!!
February 2005 No one won it this month, but Dave Mullard did fall out of the back of his Mitsubishi Star Wagon, after the ride whilst getting changed for the pub.....still he wasn't riding, so can't be awarded the "Acorn"
January 2005 Kevin "I can use SPuDs, I'm a roadie" Lane for:
A) Riding all the way, some 73 miles, from Ringwood to Corfe and back again for the January ride (you goddam crazy fool!!) and then
B) Managing to fall off at least 4 times, getting used to his SPuD's. Well done Kev, still "roadies" are used to being laughed at...eh...eh!!
December 2004 Karen "Mrs M" Mullard for being the first lady to join one of the monthly rides, as well as attending the Xmas boozy ones...Well done Mr's M, must be hard when Dave keeps badgering you to come along on the rides each month. Well deserved...at least he might shut up now..!!
November 2004 John "the Triathlete" for completing his first "Wobblies" ride in adverse very muddy and wet conditions on his 12 year old Marin, complete with a bald front tyre, which resulted in a spectacular number of 8 falls off his trusty steed! Well deserved John, except I didn't witness any of them..
October 2004 No award for this month.......strange?
September 2004 ("South Downs Way") winner Andy "Pinocchio" Willcocks, for managing to fall off twice within 10 minutes near Amberley, in the pouring rain, on the second fall, managing to make Richard "Dr" Gears use up all his first aid kit, to stem all the claret oozing from his hands, right arm and right side. Almost a "Saving Private Ryan" re-enactment. But the "Acorn" gets awarded for Andy deciding to carry on afterwards, even though we were near a train station, it was raining and we still had 20 or so miles to complete on the first day...
September 2004 Roy "think that will hold my weight?" George, for managing to provide both visuals and sounds to procure the Acorn this month. We'd all stopped to fix Gilbeys bike, however Roy saw a rope swing, managed a few swings, which was in turn followed by a loud "TWANG" then a hollow thud, which in turn was followed by the sight of Roy on the ground, having snapped the rope, and then landed heavily on his arse. Much mirth all round and it's got to be said there was not too much support (well more than the rope!) as we were all laughing too much!!! Sorry mate!
August 2004 Dave "can you smell something" Mullard for managing to cover 60% of his body in cow shit after hitting a "pat" or two whilst negotiating a slippery bend during a rainy day near Corfe Castle. The "Acorn of Achievement" was well earned this time, as Dave had to ride, covered in cow shit, until a suitable horse trough and brush were commandeered, so he could be washed down by Gilbey, with lashings of water.....still he cleared a path to the bar in the "Square & Compass" quick though......
July 2004 Simon Weemys, Andy Willcocks, Gilbey & Graham Rendell, all awarded the Acorn, for all not being too scared to turn up and finally perform an "exorcism" on the "White Horse" ride from West Lulworth. Apart from one over the bars and one SPuD fall, there were no real dramas, ESPECIALLY from "Him Upstairs" who looks after the weather and provided us with perfect weather conditions.
June 2004, "Gilbey" for managing to survive all the trails at Coed-Y-Brenin all day, without so much as a scratch, then falling off on "Gomez", at the end of the days riding, narrowly passing between two trees, missing some rocks, but not quite reaching the flat safety of a fire road, before tripping and landing on his head!
May 2004, Graham Seage for following in the footsteps of Andy "Pig Boy" Willcocks, and leaving his GT over the handlebars, after becoming seperated from trusty steed whilst trying to get out of a deep rut, whilst at speed. Proceeded to land on, in the following order.... 1.his head 2. shoulder and finally 3. his thigh. VERY IMPRESSIVE flying Graham, when watched from the rear of the group. I think all 5 other riders saw the stunt. Again....Again....??
April 2004, Andy "Pig Boy" Willcocks for falling in spectacular style into pig mud, TWICE in front of assembled witnesses. He blames being unable to release from his SPuDs....Mmmmmm?
March 2004, Paul Jewell, for completing his 1st ride, after months of ear bashing from "Wobblies" at work, in worsening weather, with road tyres, in all the mud...........you get the picture.
February 2004, Christopher "Sutts" Sutton, for completing the January & February 2004 rides on the Slovakian "Rog" 3-speed road bike
January 2004, Nigel Sharp, for completing Xmas pub crawl